WHOM SHOULD YOU CHOOSE AS THE GUARDIAN OF YOUR CHILDREN?

Most if not all of us know that we all are the best parents for our respective children. That fact makes the decision of whom to nominate as the guardian of your children an almost impossible feat.

But it is a decision you must make. So how do you decide?

The guardian of the person is the one who will be there day to day to raise your child. The guardian will feed your children, send them to school, put band-aids on their cuts, help them with their homework, comfort them after their first broken heart, in general, all of the things you as a parent do every day. Therefore the first issue to consider is who has similar beliefs to you.

Traits of the guardian.

What are your nominated guardian’s core beliefs and values and do these coincide with yours?

Beliefs to consider are: Religion, education, morals, money management, dating, working, concern for others and altruism, etc. There are an unlimited number of values that any person may consider important. You must think of what is most important to you – what is the legacy that you want to pass on to your child – and make sure either the guardian you have nominate shares those values or is willing to raise the child with those values being prominent.

Other issues to consider.

• Is the person physically able to care for the children until they reach majority?
• Does the person live in your city and/or state? Are you comfortable with your children moving out of the city/state? If they move out of the state, will they still be able to see relatives with whom you want them to maintain contact?
• What are the ages of the guardian’s other children, if any?
• Does the guardian have the time to care for your children?
• Does the guardian have sufficient finances to take care of your children or have you provided in your will that they can access the money of your children to pay for the increased costs of raising another child? (For instance, if they need to buy a bigger home and the mortgage is increased, can funds from the children be used to pay for this?)

Family versus a friend.

There is no rule or law that states that the nominated guardian must be a family member. If your friend would be the best person to raise your children, by all means nominate him/her.

One person versus a married couple

If the perfect guardian is a non-married person, nominate him or her. However, we highly suggest in these situations that you also nominate a successor to him or her in the event something were to happen.

If the perfect guardian is a married person, ideally you should name his spouse either as joint guardian or as successor to him.

Nonetheless, we have seen numerous occasions where the spouse is not ideal and it would be better for the child to have a new guardian, if necessary. You must look at the facts of your situation and decide.

Money matters

In many situations, the best person to raise your child may be someone who cannot manage his money. The only thing holding you back from nominating him is the fact that he may not be able to budget and manage the money you have left for your children.

In that circumstance (and in fact in most of our wills of persons with children), we recommend a trust for the benefit of the child. The guardian would not control the funds but the Trustee would. So if the guardian needs money, he would ask the trustee for it. The trustee would decide if it is a good expense or not. Many times we recommend that the guardian act as co-trustee so he is not begging someone for money but managing the money with another person.

Divorce or separated parents.

The natural parents are the legal guardians of the child. A divorce does not sever this – even if one of the parents is given custody.

The court at the death of the parent will decide what is in the best interests of the child when looking at guardianship issues. The natural parent has to be proven unfit to act as the guardian which as you can imagine is a high standard to meet.

If you are divorce, and in our opinion, you absolutely need a trust for the benefit of the child; without one, your ex-spouse may control the money you have left for your children.

Changes.

Many people want to change your guardian in the future. The advantage of a will is that it is only valid if you die with it as the last version. If you want to change your guardian, you can.

Notifying your guardian.

You should speak with the person you intend to appoint as guardian and explain to him or her why you have asked him to be the guardian. Do not be hurt if the person states that he does not want to act as guardian. It is a huge responsibility and an individual who understands the gravity and honestly believes that he cannot act as such should be commended.

We also sometimes suggest that you write to your guardian a list of your wishes. Anything put in your will as a direction is binding on the guardian. Since none of us can foresee what the future will bring, it usually is not wise to put such directions in a will. You have chosen the guardian based on his or her values and you must trust those values to raise the child. However, a letter to them setting forth items you believe are important will be a helpful tool for the guardian over the years.